Kaida Ishidax, who was selling his self-help book, "The Secrets of Success in the Galaxy," was hoping to reach a new audience at a homeless shelter called Haven of Hope on planet Xelfor VII. According to eyewitnesses, the altercation started when Kaida, without asking, began to make a sales pitch for his book while the homeless were waiting in line for their meal. One of the homeless, a Xelforian named Krilok, became frustrated after “45 minutes of listening to his rambling…”, and threw a bowl of boiling hot soup at Kaida.
In an interview with the authorities, Krilok stated, "I was just trying to eat my hot meal in peace when this “sales alien” started talking about his stupid book. Enough was enough and threw my soup at him."
That's when all hell broke loose.
This is exactly why they need my book, ‘The Secrets of Success in the Galaxy’.
When the authorities arrived at Haven of Hope, they found the soup kitchen in disarray with soup and food scattered everywhere. Kaida Ishidax was being restrained by several of the homeless who were beating him with copies of his own books. During the arrest, Kaida appeared to be in shock while screaming incoherently, "I’m just trying to help!"
Kaida was transferred to Xelfor medical center for severe injuries, then taken into custody. Kaida defended himself by saying, "I was just trying to help these beings improve their lives. I never expected such a violent reaction. This is exactly why they need my book, ‘The Secrets of Success in the Galaxy’, because their type of behavior definitely does not lead to success..."
The authorities are not taking the matter lightly. Captain Huolog Vulfox of the Xelfor Police Department issued a statement, saying, "The Haven of Hope homeless shelter is a safe space for those in need. Any acts of harassment will not be tolerated, and Kaida Ishidax will be held accountable."
You wanna know the secret to success in the galaxy? Mind your own ****ing business.
Those at the Haven of Hope homeless shelter are trying to collect their thoughts after everything that transpired. "I've been homeless for a long time now and I've seen a lot of beings come through here trying to sell us things, trying to get us to board their ship. You have to be careful these days. Especially with space cults, but this one? This was the worst," said a Xelforian named Jorlani. "He just wouldn't stop talking about his book. Even after we told him to leave. He just kept getting louder... and then he stood on a table. You wanna know the secret to success in the galaxy? Mind your own ****ing business."
Kaida is currently being held in police custody and is expected to appear in court for a hearing. The Haven of Hope homeless shelter has issued a statement condemning the incident and the book, promising to increase security measures to prevent similar incidents from happening in the future.
